Co-Parenting and Toxic Communication During the Holidays: Protecting Your Peace While Confronting Falsehoods

Co-parenting during the holidays is already a challenging balancing act. You’re trying to coordinate schedules, manage traditions, and ensure your kids feel loved and supported. But when toxic communication creeps into the picture, it can disrupt your focus and threaten the joy of the season.

It’s become a sad pattern over the years—every holiday, he finds a way to inject negativity into what should be a joyful time. Whether it’s hurtful messages, creating unnecessary drama, or failing to follow through on his commitments, he always manages to cast a shadow over the season. But I’ve decided that this year will be different. I won’t let his actions ruin the holidays for me or my children. I’m choosing to focus on the love, joy, and stability I can provide, because that’s what my kids deserve, and it’s what I deserve too.

Recently, I received a hurtful and baseless text from my ex-husband. It read:

“Right 👍🏻 the new one is so fortunate you are no longer taking [sic] kids. Dang shame I believed anything you said about the first one 🤢. I should’ve left when I could. Even then I’d never have slandered and ruined all your finances or kept the kids from you.”

At first, it felt like a gut punch. The accusations were not only unfair—they were patently false. But instead of reacting emotionally, I chose to reflect and focus on what I know to be true. The truth, after all, doesn’t need defense; it stands on its own.

Confronting the Falsehoods

Let’s break this down and call out the facts:

  • I Have Always Been Honest About My Experiences

My ex accuses me of dishonesty, but anyone who knows me understands that I’ve always been transparent about my experiences, both good and bad. I’ve owned my mistakes, shared my challenges, and focused on the lessons I’ve learned. Honesty has been my guiding principle, not just for myself but for the example I set for my children.

  • He Has Slandered Me in Horrific Ways

The irony of this accusation isn’t lost on me. Over the years, I’ve endured unfounded accusations and harsh slander from him—words that cut deep and could have derailed my self-worth. Yet, I’ve chosen to rise above it, focusing instead on creating a stable, loving home for our children.

  • He is Responsible for Our Financial State

When it comes to our financial struggles, I’ve done everything in my power to keep our family afloat, despite his instability. Over the past two years since separating, he’s cycled through at least a dozen jobs, never making an effort to better himself or contribute meaningfully to the children’s well-being. Blaming me for our financial state is not only inaccurate but a deflection of accountability.

  • I Have Never Withheld the Kids

The idea that I’ve kept the kids from him is simply untrue. I’ve always facilitated their time together when possible. However, our 15-year-old often doesn’t visit because the conditions at his home are disruptive to her schooling and emotional well-being. He lives in a one-bedroom apartment where the kids share a mattress on the floor. As a mother, my priority is ensuring my children have safe and stable environments—and unfortunately, his current living situation doesn’t meet those standards.

The Power of Boundaries

When I received his text, it could have spiraled into an argument—a back-and-forth of accusations and defenses. But I chose instead to protect my peace. I responded simply and firmly:

“I’m not engaging in this conversation. Let’s focus on the kids and keep communication respectful.”

By setting this boundary, I refused to let his words dictate my emotions or steal my holiday joy.

Prioritizing the Kids During the Holidays

The holidays aren’t about proving who’s right or wrong—they’re about creating joy and connection for the people who matter most: the kids. Despite the challenges of co-parenting, my focus remains on giving my children a magical holiday season filled with love, stability, and cherished memories.

Here are a few ways I’m prioritizing my children this holiday season:

  • Focusing on What I Can Control: I can’t control what my ex says or does, but I can create a joyful, stable holiday environment at home.
  • Keeping Communication Kid-Focused: I keep all conversations with him about logistics and avoid emotional entanglements.
  • Standing by the Truth: I don’t engage in arguments over false accusations. I know the truth, and so do my children.

A Final Thought

Toxic communication can be especially painful during the holidays when emotions run high. But I’ve learned that I don’t have to let someone else’s negativity define my experience or my children’s holiday season.

Instead, I choose to focus on the love and joy I’m building in my home. I choose to model resilience, grace, and strength for my kids. And most importantly, I choose to protect my peace—for myself and for them.

Because no matter what accusations or negativity come my way, I know one thing for certain: my kids deserve a holiday season filled with love, warmth, and memories they’ll treasure forever.

Let peace guide you. Let love ground you. And let the truth speak for itself.

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