“I Don’t Have Any Money”: When Co-Parenting Becomes Another Battleground

There’s a particular kind of heartbreak that comes after you leave abuse. It’s the realization that the control doesn’t stop with separation—it simply finds a new shape. It shows up in texts, parenting exchanges, or weaponized “concern.” Sometimes, it even arrives wrapped in a thumbs-up emoji.

Below is a real exchange with my ex-husband. I asked if he could take the kids for the weekend.

His response?

A bitter mix of deflection, blame, sarcasm, and a personal jab.

Let’s break this down.

“I don’t have any money.”

This is a classic deflection. It implies that providing care for your own children is somehow optional unless financially convenient. Co-parenting isn’t pay-to-play. It’s a commitment of time, effort, and presence.

“Didn’t matter then and it sure doesn’t matter now…”

This isn’t just passive-aggression, it’s historical revisionism. It reframes years of instability or absence as someone else’s fault, ignoring the real damage caused.

“Sadly it just wasn’t for my kids.”

This is projection. He places himself in the role of the victim while sidestepping accountability for his own choices. It’s not sadness, it’s spin.

“Instead of 3-sport athletes… it’s expulsions… failing grades…”

This is where it turns cruel. Using children’s real struggles, most of which stem from trauma and instability, as emotional weapons is not parenting. It’s abuse. And it tells you everything you need to know about where his focus truly lies.

“But hey, Mrs. Congenitally is getting hers.”

Here’s where the mask slips. The resentment comes into full view. The fact that I’ve dared to rebuild—publicly, joyfully, unapologetically—is what bothers him most.

This is Post-Separation Abuse.

It’s what happens when someone can no longer control your life directly, so they try to control your peace, your narrative, and your children’s stability. It often flies under the radar because it looks like a “bad attitude” or a “difference in parenting styles.”

But it’s not that simple.

📌 It’s abuse.

📌 It’s strategic.

📌 And it’s deeply harmful to everyone involved—especially the kids.

What I want other survivors to know:

You are not responsible for making your healing palatable to those who refuse to heal.

You are not required to absorb blame for someone else’s absence.

And you are never wrong for rising, especially when someone else hoped you’d stay broken.

My children don’t need perfect parents. They need safe, present, and healing ones. And that’s exactly what I’ve chosen to be.

✨ If this sounds familiar, you are not alone.

Post-separation abuse is real and it’s more common than most people realize. If you’re navigating a similar battle, please know that support exists, and healing is possible.

📞 National Domestic Violence Hotline:

800-799-7233

(Available 24/7 | Call, chat, or text “START” to 88788)

You deserve peace…even when they try to keep you in chaos.


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